what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
