I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize