Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
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