it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
