Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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