I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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