I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
