There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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