OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
