i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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