I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize