Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
did i walk over a car last night?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Randomize
