I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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