Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
