you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Enjoy the penises
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
