I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
