This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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