i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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