can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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