the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize