How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
