he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
