my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
