It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
