Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
