i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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