i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
