I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
