So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
