I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
