My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
