people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
