Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
