i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
