it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
