OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just googled if crying burns calories
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
PS: I just woke up from my shower
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
