just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
