Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize