i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
