I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
