So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
