do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
