I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
