just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
