I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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