her vagine was all disorganized.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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