i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
