You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
