I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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