the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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