I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
