I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
