It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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