I'm really into asian looking animals
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
