Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It's blow job season.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize