Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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