i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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