Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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