I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
