he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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