i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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