He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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