Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
