I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
